“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”

I must say that we're confused. Sammy Sosa claims that he "is just rejuvenating his skin". We're spa buffs here, but have never encountered this particular type of "rejuvenation". Let's hope that the quote that he provided to the Chicago Tribune is correct: "When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture ..." Good luck with that one, Sammy!